Decoding Distant Gazes from Men ( Why they stare)

Quiz

Answer the following questions in 2-3 sentences each.

1. What is the most common reason men stare but don’t approach?
2. What social dynamic suggest makes approaching someone more nerve-wracking?
3. How does a man might be hesitant to approach a woman who is with another man, even if they are just friends?
4. What physical barrier describe that can deter a man from approaching someone?
5. Explain the seemingly paradoxical fifth reason given why a man might stare but not approach.
6. According to Joyce Herron’s perspective, what might a “player” be thinking while staring at someone?
7. What is the primary barrier R.T.’s friend Chuck faced when wanting to approach a girl he liked?
8. John Cooke suggests that frequent approachers might be perceived negatively over time. Why does he think this is the case?
9. The anonymous Quora user details their attempts to encourage a certain person to approach them. What ultimately led to their decision to move on?
10. According to the final short excerpt, what are a couple of general reasons someone might stare at you without intending to engage?

Quiz Answer Key

1. The most common reason a guy will stare but not approach is the fear of rejection. It takes courage to initiate contact, and the potential for being turned down, especially in front of others, can be a significant deterrent.
2. Being in a group makes approaching someone more nerve-wracking due to the potential for judgment from not only the person they are interested in but also their friends. The more people involved, the higher the perceived stakes and potential for awkwardness.
3. Even if a woman is just friends with a man, other men might assume they are in a relationship. This assumption acts as a significant deterrent because approaching someone who is perceived to be taken could lead to an uncomfortable or unwelcome situation.
4. Physical barriers, such as being in a large or inaccessible group, tucked away in a corner, or blocked by obstacles, can make the act of approaching seem too difficult and not worth the effort. The extended time and effort required can diminish the desire to approach.
5. A man might stare but not approach if he finds someone too attractive, as this can be intimidating. The man might assume that someone so attractive is likely to have many other admirers and thus feel that he has little chance of success or is “out of their league.”
6. Joyce Herron suggests a “player” might stare because they find someone physically appealing but aren’t truly interested in anything deeper. They might simply be observing, hoping for an easy opportunity or for the person to initiate contact.
7. R.T.’s friend Chuck’s primary barrier was shyness and fear. Despite wanting to approach the girl he liked for a long time, he would become nervous and scared whenever he had the chance to talk to her.
8. John Cooke believes that the men who frequently approach women are often the “players” who are comfortable with rejection and move on quickly. Over time, women might notice that these are the same men who struggle with commitment and behave badly in relationships, leading to negative perceptions.
9. The anonymous Quora user decided to move on after repeatedly attempting to signal their interest and create opportunities for the person to approach, only to be met with continued distant staring and no direct engagement. They felt hurt by the lack of reciprocation and wanted to stop feeling stuck and disappointed.
10. General reasons for staring without approaching include shyness or a lack of confidence making it difficult to initiate conversation. Additionally, someone might simply be observing or admiring from a distance without any intention of engaging in a conversation.

Essay Format Questions

1. Analyze the various psychological and social factors that contribute to why men might stare at women without approaching them, drawing on evidence from the provided sources.
2. Compare and contrast the perspectives offered by the video excerpt and the Quora responses regarding the reasons behind why men might be hesitant to approach women they find attractive.
3. Discuss the role of nonverbal communication, such as body language and signals of interest, in either encouraging or discouraging men from approaching women, according to the sources.
4. Evaluate the validity of the “too attractive” hypothesis as a reason for lack of approach, considering the different viewpoints and anecdotal evidence presented in the provided texts.
5. Based on the insights from the sources, what advice would you give to someone who frequently experiences being stared at but not approached, and what are the limitations of this advice?

Glossary of Key Terms

• Approach (in a social context): The act of initiating interaction or conversation with someone, often a stranger or someone of romantic interest.
• Rejection: The act of dismissing or turning down someone’s advances, interest, or request.
• Shyness: A feeling of timidity, reserve, or social unease, often inhibiting social interaction.
• Confidence: A feeling of self-assurance and belief in one’s own abilities or worth.
• Social Anxiety: A mental health condition characterized by significant fear of social situations and interactions, often leading to avoidance.
• Body Language: Nonverbal communication expressed through physical movements, postures, and facial expressions.
• Nonverbal Cues/Signals: Actions or expressions that convey meaning without the use of words, such as eye contact, smiling, or posture.
• Intimidation: The feeling of being threatened or made fearful, often preventing someone from taking action.
• Infatuation: An intense but often short-lived passion or admiration for someone.
• Platonic: A relationship characterized by affection but lacking romantic or sexual attraction.